Author - Alex Neary

Far away from any island on a floating slab of metal (which wasn’t very helpful when there were high waves) there was a small laboratory where a stupid (and quite mad) scientist was continually working on useless experiments including metal handkerchiefs and devices that stopped cows from producing milk.  But this year it would be different! 

This year he would make a T. rex fossil!!  No no no, not one of those silly plastic ones, this one would be an actual fossil.  To get the idea of what they look like he had planted a large camera in the Bathurst fossil and mineral museum, cleverly disguised as a large camera.  Soon he had bought all the things he needed on a useful site called eBay and set to work.  Soon it was complete and he stored it on the cargo hold of his fly-1km –every-hour-rocket.  As he passed over Bathurst on his way to the president he decided to land and get rid of the large camera.  He pressed the land button, then remembered that all the buttons were mixed up.  But it was too late.  The cargo door opened and the T. rex fossil fell down, down, down to the museum. 

It crashed through the roof and crushed the T. rex fossil into rubble.  After accidentally activating the hyper drive, stopping the plaster and popping out an umbrella, the scientist landed his rocket and stared at his own broken t-rex and the powder which used to the bet museum’s one.  He pulled out his levitation rag and assembled his t. rex and collected the powder.  Then he flew off with the powder to dump it and left his fossil as a replacement (although its head and tail were on the wrong end).But little did he know that with all that powder he had picked up a mineral called uranium.  Where should I dump this stuff? He thought.  Then he saw a large pool and ignoring the sign that said rain water reservoir, dumped the powder and uranium and flew off.  The next day an old lady’s party was held early in the morning.  All the tea included water from the reservoir. 

The DNA from the powder and the uranium caused the old ladies to mutate and loose their minds.  Those who survived were eaten, digested and left on the ground as a smelly heap and soon they were rampaging across Bathurst!  The frightened citizens called upon the stupid scientist who answered their calls and flew to South America for a holiday. 

A while later he realised his mistake and flew back holding a zapper ray.  He took careful aim and fired.  The granny-rex he had aimed at ate him and he was left on the ground as a smelling heap.  But as the zapper ray passed through the granny-rex’s digestive system was turned on and the granny-rex exploded, sending guts, brains and old lady perfume everywhere. 

Since all of the granny-rexs were linked by their eat everything and don’t ask questions at all minds they all exploded too.  Since the smelly heap that was once the scientist managed to keep its brain intact the was still alive and was hailed as a hero.  He lived happily, except that no one went near him.  But no one head ever gone near him before so it did not matter. 

The  End